When we were kids, those who are on our side during a game are called “friends”, those who play with us and share their toys are also called “friends”. We also have our imaginary friends (though I never really had one, that was kinda creepy for me even when I was young).
It’s funny that we now have a different way to describe friends–those who are writing on our wall, commenting on our status and tweets–are well, um, called friends.
It was one of those days (well, actually still ongoing right now) when I was feeling so low and was wanting a “friend” to talk to. I was online and checked my Facebook account. I saw the number of friends I have: 314 friends. Wow, it was such an irony that I have 314 friends yet I could not find anyone to actually talk to and hang out with that day. Out of those 314 people, I think there would be only 10 people whom I really feel comfortable sharing personal stories with. And that broke my heart . Out of those 10 people, I consider really “close” to, only 1 responded and it was a polite rejection.
I guess it was just my emo moment. But it sure did make me realize that I should not take the “friend” label seriously especially online. It was also my fault. I did not really give enough time for them because they have a “normal” life. I work at night and have changing rest days so it is a real challenge to cope with their schedules. There was a point where I gave up and went on a hiatus because these so called friends kept on asking me to come hang out with them but I couldn’t cause I had to work at night. I didn’t want them to feel like they were asking a diva or celebrity for an autograph so I slowly faded into the dark.
Still, thanks to Facebook cause I was able to retain my connection with them. But a lot of things can change even in just a span of a month. Everything’s fast paced right now and if you don’t make time, then you’ll become part of the “old times”.
OK, well it’s my fault alright. But I just can’t get over the fact that sometimes even if we are online at the same time, we still don’t meet. A personal message sent will be left unanswered even if you see that person leave a comment on another person’s page just a few seconds after posting the message. You see them write on each other’s walls, saying friendly stuff like “i miss you” and “see you soon” , the whole nine yards but, not to to my wall. Sometimes I think high school never really ends–where there are popular people and the not so popular ones. Darn it! LOL! This may sound too immature but hey, technology is creeping into people’s relationship nowadays and this is one sample where the effect is not so positive.
But then again it makes me feel better when I try to rationalize those incidents–maybe they have lots of feeds they didn’t notice my posts or they’re just plain busy. Everybody’s busy. I am busy too.
At least I can say I have 314 virtual friends who will potentially like my status, leave comments on my posts or the links I share. Funny thing is, some of these friends walk by my work station or pass by my house on a daily basis without even saying hi, as if I am invisible but yeah, we’re friends on Facebook.
Lesson learned: real friendship should be nourished. Whoever says distance and time cannot erase a real friendship, is just plain wrong. It fades if you don’t make time. It will vanish if you won’t invest your presence. It will simply not survive if you don’t make sacrifices. I am sorry to these friends if I couldn’t give them time when they asked for it. I tried, God knows. I was either too sick, or really not available. I had to earn a living and we don’t have the same opportunities in life and it sucks to be me I guess. I’ll say though it doesn’t sound so good=i need to earn money and I can’t give up that opportunity for just a night of a short notice gathering. I still believe though that if they really considered me as a true friend, they will still invite me and since I already informed them of my situation, they will consider my schedule at least. They will be sensitive enough to include me in the thread, tag me or write a crappy, standard “wish you were here” shit on my wall.
I cannot “unfriend” these “friends” after all I have considered them as friends for years so I am just using technology–hide their feeds from my wall or simply delete or ignore stuff they post or say that simply exclude me either purposely or not. But of course, I wouldn’t want to burn bridges even if those are virtual ones. We’ll never know when we’ll bump into each other. Like I said it was also my fault and this is how I deal with it. As I go along in life, I will surely meet new people and hopefully their friendship won’t be as ephemeral.
